You keep that up, you'll die single!

Loving someone else and giving of yourself does not negate you. We live in a selfish society that puts self-preservation over the needs of others. There is a reason that so many black women are single in their 40's! We are too busy trying to get the upper hand over men and not allow a man in close enough to love us. Yes we may be in long term relationships but that's just it. It's a long term relationship, that's not going anywhere!  We put up walls and justify our actions by saying we're independent and don't need a man to validate us.


But maybe it's not validation he wants to give you, but something deeper...


The Black Woman's Rules to a healthy relationship:
Don't ever let a man know everything!
Never give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband!
Always keep one in the back pocket!
Don't let a man be up under you all the time, give him a chance to miss you!


We've all heard these sayings and some of us even live by them. But what do you really hope to accomplish by these rules. Let's examine them one by one.


Don't ever let a man know everything!


So basically, lie and be deceitful to your significant other. Often times this statement is related to money. As in, keep a separate bank account and a stash of money on the side just in case.  But aren't most marriages in ruins over finances? I will say be practical. Yes it's okay to have separate accounts and separate retirement money. Especially if one person in the relationship is not so great with balancing a check book. But the only time you should be "hiding" money is if you are making plans to leave the relationship. I recently gave this advice to a young woman that is struggling in her marriage. She doesn't work and does not feel as if the marriage is salvageable due to his infidelity. I told her to find a means of stable income and start making a nest egg for herself. If he's sleeping with other women then there is no guarantee that he will not one day fail to return. 


Never give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband!


So don't cook, clean, or take care of a man. Don't go out of your way to cherish him and show him how much you appreciate him. I've heard it all before, give him space, his hands aren't broken he can fix his own plate. Well if you don't give a man a preview of what is to come then what makes you think he will be falling over himself to marry you? Just like a man will probably not go see a movie without seeing the trailer, he's probably not going to marry a woman that has not shown him why he should marry her. 


Always keep one in the back pocket!


This rule is just beyond ridiculous! How can you fully develop a lasting bond with the person you're with if you are too busy trying to keep someone else trailing along, just in case! And who wants a woman that has one eye on him and one eye on Tom in accounting? Not only are you not allowing yourself to fully concentrate on your relationship, you are also setting yourself up for failure. Don't think a man doesn't feel when you are not 100% committed to the relationship. In the long run you may find yourself alone with no one!


Don't let a man be up under you all the time, give him a chance to miss you!


A relationship, whether just dating or engaged or married should involve magnetism. Something should be drawing the two people together. It's not enough just to say, we're only dating but even if we were married, I'd want to live my life and he can live his. A marriage is a melding of two people. If you want to live separate lives you should have stayed single. You should be renewing your relationship daily and wanting  the other person to feel wanted. Constantly rejecting your partner and asking for space in a committed relationship is a landslide to ruin. Everyone wants to feel wanted but why do you be in control and say, "Well I'll show you affection on MY time table, when I want to show it to you." This type of emotional mind control and childish games are one of the reasons so many black men are searching for their wives within other races! 


That's where selfish indifference comes into play. If you are in a relationship and you are having separate vacations and you love nothing more than spending time without him then maybe this isn't the relationship for you. If you are in love with someone you should want to spend time together and share your daily life with that person. People often settle for the person that just happens to be present instead of waiting for the one that is meant to be. Just because you have ALWAYS been this way doesn't mean that this is the way it should be. Wanting space in a relationship is like wanting to be dry in the ocean. Telling a man that you don't need or want his constant affection will often lead him to finding it elsewhere. 


Women often equate an affectionate man with the words clingy, stalker, or insecure. Maybe he isn't any of those things but rather a man that is simply more into you than you are to him. But don't worry, I'm sure someone else will solve that pesky problem for you. 


My significant other and I go everywhere together. There isn't a time that we are apart other than work. We enjoy each other's company and we have had only one disagreement in the past year that we've been dating. We are completely compatible and I see now what a real relationship is. When you are in a loving and compatible relationship, you should want to share of your heart, mind, body, and time daily. It's not a sacrifice nor is it an obligation. We don't have separate lives because we are building a life together. 


We will be married soon, he asked after only 9 months of dating. We've never been happier. The joy we have for each other radiates outward and can be seen by everyone around us. I'm not controlled, or confined. I give of myself completely and freely and he does the same. I will forever put him before myself because he does the same for me. 


I really feel sorry for women that think being alone while being in a relationship is the way it should be. Maybe he's just given up on trying to get around your walls that you have vicariously placed in the way of your own happiness! So, yes, he gives you space, and he occupies his time with other things. 


And yes, that's why you're single...

Don’t waste your life or your money on college.

It's almost here the start of a new school year! As my son goes off for his first day of kindergarten I have a cousin who is trying to navigate her way into college....3 weeks before school starts! She's stressed to the max and I asked her why she hadn't started this process sooner! She thought she had! This got me to thinking of all of the mistakes I made in college and what ultimately led me to not completing my degree. 

Planning for college starts your freshman year of high school! Oh the sins of my freshman year haunted me during college application time. However, I persevered and made it to college only to not have planned wisely and thus I wasted a large portion of my life and money on college.

Don't let this happen to you! Here are 15 tips on how to not waste time or money on college!

Managing work, your own business, and your home life.

So how does one woman do it? Maintain a 9-5, work her own business, and manage to do the laundry, homework, and cooking for her family? When you find out you tell me! I often sit at my desk at work and say to myself, if I were home right now I could be getting so much work done for myself! This job is in the way of my success!

 I rarely find the time to fold laundry let alone become a guru of social networking, making weekly YouTube vlogs, writing in my blog and manage to produce a solid product. One person can only do so much. But who has the money to hire an assistant or one of those social media consultants? For a start up business with no money those are expenses I just don’t need or have the funds for. So I have this great idea and nowhere to utilize it! I’m at a stand still and I don’t know what to do!

My best weapon of defense?

Why am I still working for someone else?

This is a question that I ask myself all the time. Especially when my boss enters my office and gives me a list of menial tasks that any trained monkey can do. ‘Can you make me some tea, oh and fax this letter, and when you’re done can you open my mail?’ Open your mail? What, are you afraid of paper cuts? How can a person be placed into a position of authority and supervision over a staff of 30+ people, yet has never acquired the knowledge necessary to operate a fax machine.

Okay so maybe they are busy and delegation is the most important trait of a boss but seriously, some things are just degrading to ask your “assistant” to do. I often find myself sitting at my desk daydreaming of owning my own business and being self-employed. So, I ask myself. Why am I working for someone else? Answer, fear! I have 2 kids to support and I need steady income. 

Light Skin vs. Dark Skin

People get over it. You can have three siblings in one family and all three will have a different skin color. Hell my left arm is darker than my right because of driving in my car with my arm out the window. (Trucker's tan)

I've never been obsessed with color. My mom is ebony and my dad's the color of a banana. And they are both Creole. We have so many shades in my family it's not even funny and no one has ever said one tone is better than another. Actually that's a lie, I've always been told that darker skin is better because it doesn't show blemishes as easily. Which is true.

Every little think marks my skin and face and I hate it. And fade cream does not work! I've tried it on my shins and knees from my clumsy childhood scars and they haven't gone away not one bit.

One thing that I can say negative about GH vs. BH and LS vs. DS was the reaction I received when I was pregnant with my son. My son is half Filipino and the whole time I was pregs everyone kept saying how beautiful he was going to be because mixed babies are so beautiful. And black babies are What? Chopped liver? I was having a mixed baby but I wasn't having a mixed baby just to have a mixed baby if that makes sense.

The lady on the Tyra show was saying she refuses to date black men because she wants a mixed a baby with "good hair' then her daughter comes out and has the worst hair on the stage! I fell over laughing. DUMB ASS!

I will admit that I was curious what my baby would look like but I think that's natural of any expecting mom. We want to see their little faces. My son was born looking very asian and it scared me that he didn't look more black. I don't know why. He had slanted eyes and bone straight hair and very pale skin. I was like, I'm going to look like his nanny!

His hair started to wave up a little when he became about two and now if I keep his hair short the ends will curl. If I let it grow out a little his hair turns back straight. So he has what I would consider european hair. I was hoping for a little texture like lenny kravitz or cree summer. That would have been cool. but it is what it is. (he's darker now too) I still get the what is he? question at the super market and I say he's bi-racial and I turn around. I don't have to go into my son's genealogy with a total stranger and it's not good for my kids to see me giving out personal information to strangers anyway.

I don't understand why dark people feel persecuted by their dark ebony skin. And I equally don't understand the misconception that dark skin = more black.

How much european is mixed into your blood has nothing to do with your skin color per se. My nephew is half white and half black and he's darker than me. My daughter's dad is half mexican and half black and he's way darker than me. Even my daughter is darker than me. My really good friend has a mom my color and a dad the color of wesley snipes and he is lighter than both of them and has red hair and green eyes.

Black people need to wake up. We are diverse, beautiful, and unique. That's what makes us special. I love the fact that we come in so many shades and tones. It does make it harder for us women to find makeup that matches perfectly but I don't want to look like the girl next door. I don't want to have the same hair, skin color, and swagger as anyone else.

Why do black people always feel like we don't measure up? We are just as smart, beautiful, talented, and driven as any other race. Don't let your own ignorance be your own limitation.

You can't blame white people anymore for not understanding your culture and heritage. They may not have taught you more than "you were a slave then martin luther king came along and now you're free" in High school history but now you have unlimited resources to find out who you really are.

Just like you found this blog there are so many internet tools available to find out about your heritage and where your people came from. Read some slave journals, learn about how people of the time thought of slavery as a business, and a way of trade not just a way to degrade people.

Understand how that reflects on how your company treats you now. It's all about the almighty dollar, that bottom line. Why pay people to do something when I can make them work for free? Which is why many companies today ship our jobs over seas because they can pay them less and make them work 18 hours days for $5 a day.

Watch African American Lives. This originally aired on PBS and it is the study of a man that did DNA sampling to trace back black people's origins. He also told them what percentage of what each of them were. It's available now on netflix. This was really fascinating to me. There were white people on there that turned out to be actually black. And black people saying they had "indian in they family" that turned out not to have not one drop of indian in them. I wish I had the money to have this done. I would like to know what part of Africa my ancestors were from.

I have spoken to my grandmother in depth about my heritage and learned that her grandfather was their slave owner. She remembers living on his plantation to a share cropper father. When her grandfather died they were forced to leave the plantation. She of course never called him grandfather, but she knew who he was. Her grandmother was his slave and house woman and she worked in the house with him. he was never married and he kept her on as his servant even after slavery ended. It's amazing the stories your grandparents and elders can tell you about the "bad ol' days" as my grandma says.

Now that I know who I am and where I come from topics like this doesn't matter to me anymore. I don't care what skin color or hair texture I have. I'm just happy to be a strong black woman!

Standards, GET SOME!

Standards, Get Some

Being a single mother doesn't mean that you can't have a great man that will love and appreciate you!

Love is available to everyone regardless of your situation. You do not have to make a certain amount of money or social status to find a great guy. Do not let other's define you and dictate to you your worth!

Oyin Handmade, WHO?

Often times a natural will ask me what products I use in my hair because my hair looks so awesome. Well Right after I blush and thank them for the wonderful compliment I tell them my secret is the Oyin Handmade product line. I'm soon given a what the heck is that look. It's crazy how so few people are hip to Oyin Handmade. They are wonderful products and much more affordable than traditional all natural products. I have been using them on me and my children's hair since December 22nd and I'm no where near running out. The products are so heavily concentrated that you only need a very little bit. 

The Products I have used are:

Head to Toe Honey Wash - $10
This is a sulfate free shampoo. Intended for people that do not use products that contain silicones. I will be honest it is not a clarifying shampoo so I do recommend Clarifying the hair once a month. This is perfect for semi weekly wash and gos. Does not leave the hair stripped in any way.

Honey Hemp Conditioner - $11
If I could, I would marry this conditioner!!! I love love love it. I also love the fact that you don't have to rinse it out because everything in it is good for the hair and scalp. I have deep conditioned with this conditioner also. I noticed a change in my hair from the first use. I will never use another conditioner on my hair. It leaves your hair soft and silky. Great for detangling hair too. Gives hair plenty of slip. This has a pleasant citrusy smell. I noticed my pillows all smell like this now from me going to bed with wet hair. lol

Shine and Define Styling Serum - $6
I use this to twist my hair. I noticed it does not lay down my edges but it does make my "baby hair" curl up. This isn't a GEL it's a styling serum. It's a creamy consistency. twists are soft and pliable. not sticky and stiff. The shine and define does not flake. which i love best about it. Once it dries in the hair, you won't feel anything on the hair. (unlike my IC fantasia gel.)

Juices and Berries Nourishing Herbal Leave In conditioner - $11
I use this to refresh my hair the next day. It has glycerin in it so it's a humectant. It smells like jolly rancher candy. I spray my twists with it. Or I use it to reactivate my Kinky Curly. This is so versatile, and the only product that I'm almost out of.

Whipped Pudding - $6
I love this stuff so much better than the shea butter mix I made. It's not waxy and it's very smooth. A little goes a long way and I can definitely tell when I've used too much. This is great on Arrington's super thin hair and keeps away the frizzes all day. Has a little bit chocolatey, cocoa butter smell. YUMMY!

Oyin Handmade also has products for Skin care, children, and men. I've never tried any of those but If they are half the quality of the products I've tried then they are worth their weight in gold. Their website is: http://oyinhandmade.com/

This is a black owned company and they have been around since 2003. They really do make everything by hand and they take pride in their products and it shows. I actually didn't buy these products directly from them I bought them from Curlmart.com only because Oyin was on a winter hiatus at the time. 

Natural Hair Journey - The First Blow Out

 So I'm 6 months post 2nd bc and I wanted to do a length check and trim! So I decided to blow out and flat iron my hair! EPIC FAIL! It came out a greasy mess! I of course had no clue what  I was doing and the next day I went out in the rain and it completely frizzed and stuck on end buckwheat style! I was so unhappy and miserable! 3 hours of work down the tubes in 3 minutes time! Oh well, at least I got the opportunity to see my length. I used shea as a heat protectant and used only half power on my flat iron. I was very unhappy with the results and washed it out the following morning!

Natural Hair Journey - Wow I Have Curly Hair!

What? Where this this come from? I have curly Hair? Me the kid that used to break combs? The kid that would cause my family's hands to cramp us from combing it! I can't believe that under all that toxic relaxer I had beautiful curly hair being processed to death!  I can't believe that all of these years I longed to have hair like Cree Summer only to find out that I have curly hair too! I feel so violated, so cheated, all those years that I could have had awesome hair and I only had lack luster dry brittle hair! My 2nd big chop was in July 2009 and it is now November 28th. I am so happy with the texture of my hair. I wet my hair daily in the shower and run some coconut oil through it and a little bit of gel, shake out the excess water and go about my day. I love the freedom this has given me and I love the strange comments I'm getting from my family insisting that I've done "something" to my hair to make it curl up! lol It's not what I'm doing, it's what I'm NOT doing!

Natural Hair Update - The Curly Girl Method

It's really funny I look totally different in the last two pictures and they were all taken the same week. Lighting in really misleading!

I am officially on the curly girl method completely. I stopped by my local Indian and African market and picked up some Shea butter, Vatika Coconut oil, Regular coconut oil, almond oil, and some black african soap.

Now, I had no idea that Shea butter smelled the way it did. I honestly thought it was going to smell sweet like cocoa butter. Silly me. My shea butter smells like tree bark and it's loud so I can't wear that in my hair during the day. I've been using it as a moisturizer at night but it's loosening my curl pattern so I stopped. I guess that's why some people like it but I want my curls tight. It also makes my hair look dull. So i was disappointed. I'll use it for my twists and bantu knots when my hair grows out. For now, I'll just use it on my daughter's twists.

My curls are definitely O shaped and are starting to turn into little cork screws. I had little question marks when I first bc'd but now they are changing. I bc'd in May so I'm on my 3rd month.

My hair is growing very well and I'm actually at 2-4 inches when stretched depending on where you measure on my head.

I like the Vatika oil but I don't care for the smell. It's mediciney. For a lack of a better word. I'm putting it in my hair nightly and it's really making it look great in the morning.

My current regime is Co-washing daily with Suave Naturals Coconut conditioner

My smoothing/leaving conditioner that really defines my curls and get them to pop is Vital Plus Herbal Organics Conditioner. I received this tip from ShidaNatural on youtube and for 3.50 for a 41 oz. bottle you can't beat the curl definition this gives the hair. I was shocked!

I used extra virgin olive oil on my hair daily and was upset to open my new coconut oil I bought only to find it's refined coconut oil with no scent! I only bought it for the scent!!! Oh well it was only $3 so i can't really complain.

The label was in arabic so that's what I get for buying something I can't read lol.

I'm still using the glycerin daily. I just like it for the shine. It's also keeping my hair moisturized.

I'm not using gel any longer because my curls are so tight that they are not frizzing. This is a minor miracle considering that we have been having the worse summer in Texas since I can remember.

I also used the almond oil to whip my Shea butter. The almond oil scent didn't cover up the tree bark scent though. Maybe I should try some essential oils next time.

So that's my little mini update on my hair. I'm very pleased with the results. I'm just feeling along, the blind leading itself. lol

My family is really embracing my hair and are loving the little curlies that i'm developing. They are shocked by my hair texture and so am I. I actually have other naturals asking me for advice on how to define their curls. I'm referring them to Shida though because she is super duper awesome.

On a side note. the lighter almond oil is so much better for my daughter's hair. the olive oil seemed a little too heavy. I'm putting the vatika oil and Shea butter on her hair and i can see a difference in just the first week. Her hair has grown in the 3 months that I've been styling it properly and the little bald spot at her crown has filled in completely and is long enough now to put in a tiny pony tail.

I'm still battling her desire to be a gymnast and do head rolls all day on the carpet and tear her hair up. But she's 2 so she's going to roll around on the carpet and play. That's to be expected.

I stopped using rubber bands on her plaits just plastic barrettes but even with them I have to be careful not to snag her hair. This weekend I'm going to twist her hair and put it in a protective style. I hope it will last a full week. We'll see. She's been wearing her little satin bonnet I made her. I call it her nite nite hat and at first she was like, women u crazy! but by the 3rd night she was on board. I still pick her up from the sitter's house with her hair literally all over her head. No matter how neatly I do her hair in the morning by the end of the day she looks like Kizzy!

SO hopefully I can find a protective style that will stay for a full day. Even with the gymnast flips.

Natural Hair Journey - Second Big Chop

Okay, so last week i did another big chop. My natural hair had grown about 2 inches and the tips grew out straight. In my previous blog pictures you can see that my tips are straight in those pics. I took those the week of my first chop in May. I cut off about an inch and now most of my straight ends are gone. SO I'm kinda' back where I started in May. My hair texture is changing and I've changed the products I'm using as well. Through research I discovered that the "natural organic" products I was using had petroleum, silicones, sulfates, and mineral oil. How do these companies get away with this?

How can a container say Jojoba Oil on it and use the words organic in the company name and you look at the ingredients and it's petroleum jelly with a splash of jojoba thrown in. I've had to change my shampoo, conditioner, and styling products.

I'm using the curly girl method and I love the curl definition it gives my hair. The silicone products made my hair look great but after using them for two months straight my hair became very dry. Now I only use products that are water soluable. My hair is thriving and growing about an inch a month. I am so happy. I will never go back to relaxed hair. This is so much easier. I just co-wash and rinse daily in the shower, shake and go!

No more hour and a half to flat iron my hair every morning like when it was relaxed. Going natural has saved me so much time in the morning.

Good Hair vs. Bad Hair

Good hair is defined by a myriad of definitions that seems to vary according to each person's experience. To me Good Hair is hair that is not breaking, shedding and has a healthy sheen. I've never been a texture snob. I've always liked relaxed and natural hair styles.

In my family I was always classified as having Good Hair. Not because it was silky straight, in fact, my hair was extremely course, thick and unmanageable as a child. What they often refer to is the fact that my hair has the ability to grow long. Ironically, I'm the only one in my family that will take a pair of scissors and chop of 4 or 5 inches and not bat an eye.

I have a cousin that has hair identical to me and she is 14. She unfortunately has been having major breakage and shedding due to over processing. When I told her mother I was going natural she said that she didn't think it was a good idea considering my ultra conservative job.

She has been wanting to go natural herself but fears ridicule from her job. I don't think people really give a crap about someone else's hair as long as it's not some crazy pink Mohawk or purple extensions. Most dress codes speaks on grooming habits and wearing hair in a natural color - ie. no blue/green etc.

I've never in my life seen a company dress code say that hair must be worn straight and longer than X number of inches.

I know hispanic women who's hair is coarser and kinkier than mine will ever be. No one's going out of their way to fire them. No one is hunting down hispanic or curly hair white women in the streets and shaming them into straightening their hair.

My reasons for going natural is to get my hair back healthy and hence get my "good hair" back.

Keep in mind that my hair will break a comb and cramp some fingers because of the texture of it. And that was when I was relaxing it. I can only imagine how difficult my hair is going to be to manage once it actually grows some length. I just cut my hair last month and I know It's going to be a long process ahead getting my hair back healthy.

Growing up "bad hair" were those little girls with super short hair that was all broke off from overprocessing, raggedy ends and their mothers' put so much grease in it that their whole face was shining from it.

We women need to understand that perming our daughters' hair that young is only going to make their hair unhealthy, brittle, dry, and unmanageable.

One of my baby cousins had beautiful hair. Hence the word HAD. Her hair was jet black, super thick and had the most beautiful wave pattern in it. It was healthy and growing and against her ebony skin it glowed. Then my aunt's hairdresser suggested putting a "texturizer" on it. At 4 years old. Now her hair is brittle, breaking off, not growing and her hair has lost it's gleam. It's also getting thinner and thinner. And for the first time in her life she has a "kitchen" Why does perming do that???

Of course, I'm the only one that seems to notice this because everyone is saying how cute her new hair is. I don't have a problem with relaxed hair. I've had my hair relaxed since I was 4 too and now that I'm going natural I can't turn my nose up at relaxed girls/women. All I'm saying is don't overprocess your hair! That is our biggest mistake.

Young hair should be natural. There is no reason to be relaxing a 4 year old's hair. In a world were everything is rush rush rush I know that many mothers want to be able to brush their daughter's hair in to a pony tail and run out the door but they deserve our patience and the little extra time it takes to keep their hair healthy.

I love seeing moms talk about the ORGANIC food they buy, and not letting their kids have food with preservatives and such and how they never let their kids eat this or that but I look down and she and her daughter both have relaxed hair. You don't think those chemicals affect you?

So that's my opinion on good hair bad hair.

Good hair = healthy

Bad hair = broke off hot mess

My Natural Hair Journey - The Big Chop

I love my new hair!!!!!

Well, let me go back and start from the beginning. Last July I decided that I wanted to color my hair a soft cinnamon like how Tyra Banks used to have her hair. My hair was just below the shoulders and relaxed. That weekend I went out to the local store and bought a home coloring kit (permanent dye). Which I applied incorrectly since I had never really colored my hair before and I applied it like you would a perm. I sectioned my hair into four sections and applied root to tip. Problem is that the four sections ended up being 4 different colors because of the application time. (My hair is super super thick) SO needless to say I didn't know what the hell I was doing and had no business coloring my own hair. But I was like "how hard can it be?" Well apparently it was really hard! SO I got the dumb butt award that day.

Well I can't go to work with parts of my hair blonde, orange, apple red, and brown. I looked a HOT MESS!!!!

SO I went to Sally's and asked the lady what to do. This genius said to put a toner and a darker red rinse on my hair to even out the color.

BIG MISTAKE.

Now all of my hair was orange and blonde (but not a good blonde a ghetto mess color blonde)

SO I went to my cousin who does hair on the side but never went to school for it and she told me to buy this Chinese black-brown natural hair rinse and just cover it all up and stop trying to fix the unfixable.

That was the next step...

Keep in mind this all happened over one weekend.

That was my next mistake!!! I should have just thrown a wig on it and called it a day and let my hair recondition before continuing to process it. (I must have been off my game that weekend because duh! I know that)

So the following week my hair was falling out in clumps... I wonder why???

I trimmed and trimmed and trimmed and trimmed but nothing worked.

My hair was dry, brittle and completely unmanageable. Needless to say when I did relax it again the relaxers didn't take. You can't relax damaged hair and expect good results.

So now almost a year later my hair has still not recovered. It won't take a relaxer My hair was literally in shock. My new growth was damaged because my hair was splitting up the shaft. I was having to flat iron and use a curling iron at the highest heat setting and it was just making matters worse. I started wearing weaves to let it just calm down and stop freaking out.

3 months ago I stopped relaxing it. And just wore weaves. (glued in)

Through the help of many YouTube friends I have decided to just go natural.

When i took my hair down and washed and conditioned it 2 weeks ago I noticed my new growth actually had shine and looked healthy. So I decided to cut off the relaxed part and just start over. I knew that there was no sense in trying to transition because my relaxed hair was really really damaged. My hair was only like 6 inches long on top anyway. So my big chop wasn't that tramatizing.

What I have found very strange is that my hair texture has become extremely curly.

I've been getting my hair relaxed since I was 4 so I've never seen my own hair texture. So now I have a TWA. And I'm so happy with how soft, and manageable my hair is. Many of the YouTube videos have shown me how to care for my hair and even though this is only my first week I think that I have the advantage of starting out on a good foot with a lot of great advice.

I haven't bought any natural products yet I'm still using the products I already had. I'm just using less of them. I've also been able to stop using grease in my hair. This is really strange to me because grease was my relaxed hair's best friend. But it just sits on top of my natural hair. I'm using the co-wash method because my hair loves water and it's not too happy with shampoo. My conditioner doesn't have any silicones in it or protein so it's just making my hair softer and softer. I'm co-washing my hair every other day. In between I'm just rewetting it and putting in a creamy leave-in lotion by organics that's meant for children's hair.

I also use a very very tiny bit of gel and my hair is soft and curly and not frizzy at all! My relaxed hair was always a ball of frizz with even the slightest bit of moisture.

This week I've had a few negative comments about me going natural and how natural hair isn't professional but I just shake that off. If a company fires me over my hair, I'll be living in a mansion by the end of the year so it's a win win. ha ha.

I don't think my boss gives two craps about my hair as long as my work is done. That's the beauty of a man boss. He probably hasn't even noticed that I cut it.

So that's my story of why I'm going natural. Contrary to popular belief I'm not a political activist, I'm not a vegatarian tree hugger, I'm not Jamaican (someone asked me that today, idiot!) I just want healthy hair. I'm sick of waking up and having hair all over my pillow.

Originally I was just going to let it stay natural to let it rest and then go back to relaxing it after I got a little bit of length. But after seeing the other women on youtube I don't think I'm going to go back to relaxed hair. All of my person misconceptions about what natural hair looks like has been changed. I didn't even know that my hair was curly!!! I was always told that I had unruly, unmanageable, dry, thick hair and the only way to tame it was to chemically process it to death.

Shame on my grandma for relaxing my hair in the first place!!!